I don't want to know.

Ask me anything   Annie
23 years old, LA/Orange County area

While I highly doubt anyone is reading this, it’s been almost a year since I’ve posted any kind of update. And actually, one of the first things I noticed was my lack of editing, excuse that. I don’t usually go back and re-read the clusterfucks I write until much later.

The last post found me at a highly frustrating time. It was work related. Though I suppose I should rewind a little. I finally graduated with my bachelor’s in psychology back in May, and unfortunately, was laid off of my last job in April. A few of us were cut, but it seemed completely out of the blue. I have a pretty good sense of when things in a workplace are beginning to go south, but this I didn’t see at all. I was the most depressed I had been in a long time. A layoff is rarely ever a reflection of you or your work, but I took it that way. I know for a fact there were a couple people there who loved seeing me walk out that door. Anyhow, I landed an interview two days later and took a closer, better paying job in human resources. Looks like the joke was on the aforementioned mean spirited coworkers! Though I was thrilled to have a fresh start at a new workplace, I was still depressed. I had to start from square one learning everything over again executing a completely different line of work. Thankfully, I had lots of love and support from friends and family members. However, the words of one friend and old co-worker from my internship at the time stuck with me. ‘One day you will wake up and it just won’t hurt as much.’ And I knew she was absolutely right. I had been through worse and would absolutely get back up again. This person may not ever read this either, but I want to thank them anyway.

And this brings us to the present. After many tumultuous speed bumps at my current workplace, I have already learned more about myself than I thought I could in a relatively short period of time. There are a few other things going on at the moment, but I will leave it at this.

TL;DR: Your early 20’s are a trip and a half. Lena Dunham had it right.

Cheers xx

— 1 week ago

I am upset. I am confused. I am burnt out. But most of all, I am completely and helplessly defeated.

— 1 month ago
🙌 My motto lately.

🙌 My motto lately.

— 3 months ago
#idontknow 
Between Our Ears

When illness of the body is concerned,

The results are black and white.

Survival or death.

Then there is sickness of the mind,

Where the diseases are infinite and never-ending.

Screaming underwater,

It exists, but no one to know it is there.

No physical manifestation,

Until it is too late.

They try,

But often to no avail.

Trying to understand, they sort of know,

But never fully.

Waking up one day,

It doesn’t hurt as much.

But the demons are always there, faintly whispering,

Never quite gone.

An ongoing war,

There are highs, lows, everything in between.

And we’re all waiting for the armistice.

Are you one of them?

— 4 months ago
#mental illness  #depression 

'Keep on dreaming, don't stop breathing, fight those demons—sell your soul, not your whole self.'

— 5 months ago

I’m sort of sorry that I never use this anymore. It has quite a bit of documentation of the numerous ups and downs I’ve had over the last three years—though I wonder if my lack of posting/venting/lamenting things here is a sign of things. I wonder if it means that my life is on the up and up, and that being busier than I’ve ever been finally means I’m going to be okay and that I’m going to go somewhere.

Next semester will be my last semester of my undergraduate career. I will also be holding down an internship, my current job, and about 14 units. It’s going to be a good sized load, but I’m ecstatic. My workload keeps me from falling into my rut over and over and over again.

I’m at work currently, and this is the slowest day I’ve seen in my seven months here. Everyone is on vacation and I’m trying to be mildly productive (and only barely succeeding). Actually, the few of us who bothered to show up today have been loafing around and getting to really talk for the first time in ages. I was talking to one of my coworkers who I actually really enjoy getting to converse with, and we were talking about how nothing we ever planned on doing worked out. It was comforting and somehow amusing. It was a reminder that no matter how frustrating or infuriating some of the people I work with can be, they have or had trials and tribulations. They all had their own struggles; they have hopes and dreams, even if not the same ones all the time. No better and no worse than any other human being.

We’re all doing our best to exist and trying to enjoy it in the meantime. 

image

— 9 months ago
#work  #hopes  #dreams 

As I go back and read what I’ve (recently) written, I notice that some of those entries were from almost a year ago! But really, when thinking about them, it only feels like weeks ago that those things occurred. Erin going to school, upper division psych classes, my cousin’s recovery, more trials and tribulations with friends and guys. Almost nothing different.

I did, however, start my first real ‘grown up job’ almost three months ago. I work in accounting at my dad’s friend’s construction company. It’s a pretty far cry from anything psychiatric, but it’s money, and pretty decent money at that. I also bought a new (used) car with said grown up money. As exciting as this is and as genuinely grateful as I am, why does everything still seem so stagnant? Is it that many of my friends are moving and advancing themselves in ways I haven’t yet? Is it the lack of time I have to even breathe let alone think? Whatever the case, it continues to be one foot in front of the other.

And I think this, here, sums up your 20’s.

— 1 year ago
boucla:

Triangl bathers arrived! X

Ahh I love the triangl bikinis, but they are expensive and I’m not skinny enough for them yet.

boucla:

Triangl bathers arrived! X

Ahh I love the triangl bikinis, but they are expensive and I’m not skinny enough for them yet.

— 1 year ago with 31 notes